Chapter Text
Jaekyung watched the sunrise from his couch. He didn’t sleep again. He felt like he would go crazy at this rate. He even thought about buying alcohol. the hangover was horrible but he slept well that night. He decided to go for his run early. Maybe it would tire him out. He had an appointment to see where his shoulder was at. He hoped he could remove the brace even if he was still restricted. He hated this thing so much.
X)(X
Studio five called to request his services multiple times over the last two weeks. Having actors and behind the scenes people worked on between scenes seemed to refresh everyone, allowing them to work better and faster. Filming was nearly done then there was editing and basically putting it all together. Which could take six months to a year. It was too bad since this gig paid well, making more in tips than salary. Still, it helped and he was thankful for that. His debt was now two hundred and fifty million won. He kept a little to pay for rent, House needs, food, and an emergency fund. He was so happy he lucked out with two nice roommates.
He was cleaning the kitchen. His two roommates agreed to reduce his portion of the rent if he cleaned the common areas. It was a new agreement after seeing how his one roommate cleaned. He didn’t mind as it was mindless work. Plus, he would do almost anything to reduce the amount of won going out.
Flashes of Jaekyung the first night at the penthouse danced in his head. He could have walked away, right? He didn’t have too, right? He made a choice, right?
No. Jaekyung used his need for money to control the decision. Then he had the idea that caused all this pain. The worse part was it only brought her a few months. Months in pain because he didn’t want to be alone. His selfishness. Dan fought back tears. It wasn’t all bad. He was able to take her here. He saw the ocean she missed some much.
Tears dropped in the dishwater. Why was in such a cry-baby? So useless, so weak. No wonder Mr. Joo hated him. he hated himself sometimes.
“Dan?” His female roommate called softly. “Dan. hey. What’s wrong? Hurt?” Dan wiped his eyes hard only to have his wrist gentle caught. “You will hurt yourself doing that.” She pulled him into a hug as he had no strength to stop her. he didn’t want to stop her. “let it out.” Her soft voice broke something and Dan hold onto her crying loudly. He learned to don’t make a sound when crying years ago. He just couldn’t be bothered to hold the sound back now.
Yun Eun-ji rocked back and forth, humming a small songs she long forgot the words to. She wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that. He didn’t know either. He was tried, mentally just done. “Take a nap Dan. it helps. I’ll do the dishes this once as a favor. You will have to buy me a snack later.” Dan laughed lightly though the tears.
“strawberry milk chews?”
“You know me well. Now. Go. Nap. Shoo.” She said with a light push towards his room. Dan didn’t fight her. He closed the door behind him and laid across his bed. He hoped his brain would let him sleep.
(Must be nice to be a good sleeper, doc.)
Dan shoved that thought into a mental box and pushed it to the back of his mind. He needed to forget him, he no doubt forgot all about him. living his best life.
X)(X
A vase smashed against the wall. He was so tired and now it was going to be another month before he could take this stupid sling off. He been good, why was it taking so long? His dreams were plagued with old bad memories or regrets. He was losing it.
“Damn it Dan. Either come back or leave me alone.” He knew that sounded nuts but it’s how he felt. He phone buzzed signaling a phone call. He was the front desk. He grudgingly answered it. “What?”
“Sir. There is a young lady requesting to talk to a mister Kim Dan.” What the hell? Why?
“I be down in a minute.” He wanted to know what if was about. He put on the team black jacket and went to the elevator. The doors opened allowing him to see a woman in a business power suit but high-end, black, running shoes. He stepped out seeing her turn towards him but she looked disappointed.
“You are not Kim dan.”
“No Joo Jaekyung. He doesn’t stay here anymore.” She signed heavily.
“Do you know where he is, by chance?” Jaekyung wouldn’t tell her even if he did know. Especially since he didn’t know what this was about.
“No.” He could find out where. He had a guy for that but he couldn’t bring himself to. He thought about it. a few times. Yet, a small part of him wanted Dan to come back on his own. He wouldn’t even get mad or make him make it up to him. He just wanted Dan’s food and company. Maybe hold him like a teddy bear might help him sleep.
“I see.” She handed him a business card. “if he shows up. Have him call me.” He looked at the card. It was from a well know law firm. Was Dan in legal trouble? “He is the last victim I need to track down so I can be done with this case. Sorry to bother you mister Joo.” She turned to walk away; Joo wanted to shake the answers out of her but knew better that to try. Looks like he was going to call that guy again.
X)(X
Dan went for the final swim until spring. The water was getting chilly but He was enjoying the quiet at the moment. He dived under the water and spinned and twirled under the water. The weightlessness felt freeing but his lungs wanted air. Breaking the surface of the water, the wind made him shiver. With that he started back to his bag on the beach. There was someone next to his bag. There was only a towel and dry clothes. Not worth stealing.
Dan stepped out of the ocean and the man looked happy to see him.
“Thank goodness. I saw the shoes and I thought . . .” Dan looked at his shoes and realized what the man thought.
“Oh. Sorry to have scared you. I didn’t think anyone was going to be here.” The man smiled and stepped closer. Dan felt like he wanted to jump back in the ocean.
“It’s okay. With the dry clothes inside I figured it wasn’t the case.” The man gave a charming smile but it unnerved him. “That short wetsuit looks great by the way.” Dan wasn’t sure if the guy was being friendly or flirting. He started to notice people flirted with him more than he realized before. He was blind to it in the past. The only Crush he ever had was Mr. Joo but that was him trying to be okay with his situation. Fooling himself.
“Um . . . Thanks.” Dan grabbed his shoes and bag. “Sorry but I have to get ready for work.” He had a one-time gig serving for a party. It was easy won. Hold a tray, smile, offer to guests, and move on. The man smiled wider but it was still unnerving. Warning bells ringing in his head, he trotted up the sand to a changing area.
He ripped himself out of the suit and put on his clothes in a hurry. He froze for a moment when he realized he trapped himself if that guy was going to try something. Shoving his suit into his bag and put on his shoes and rushed out of the changing area. The man was gone. Dan looked around to make sure. He sighed in relief. He was just being silly and jumpy. The man meant no harm.
With that weight off him, he headed home to go shower, change, and get ready for the gig tonight.
X)(X
“You haven’t been watching the news much, have you?” Jaekyung rolled his eyes at the remark. “The director committed suicide after his life was destroyed. His house and accounts were taken and will be given to the victims. One moment.” There was the clicking sound of fast typing. The silence on the line was maddening. “The director’s wife keeps twenty-five percent, The two that went along with it are getting seven-point five percent. The other one that didn’t do it gets twenty percent. Leaving your boy with forty precent as the director went out of his way to make sure he couldn’t get a job in any hospital.”
“What was the director worth?” There was the sound of clicking.
“Nine hundred and seventeen million won. So, your boy will get almost three hundred and sixty-seven million won. Tax free because settlement.” That was more than his debt. He felt weirdly hollow at the thought. It wasn’t the money. it was his only connection. That fact hit him in the chest harder than any hit he ever took. “Why don’t you ask the question you really want to know?” Did he deserve to know? What would he do if he knew where he was? yell at him for leaving, gravel at his feet for forgiveness, pick him up and take him to the nearest bed, or drag him back home and lock him his room. He didn’t trust his reaction.
“not yet.” He didn’t trust what his reaction would be. Until he knew, it was best he didn’t know were dan was right now.
“Call me when you want that.” the phone made a click sound and then dial tone. Jaekyung hung up and sat down on the couch. He sighed and reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle of soju. The hangover was nasty so remembered to pick up hangover remedies the store had. He couldn’t believe he was going to do this.
First, he put his keycard, and car keys on a high shelve just in case. After locked everything up he went back to the couch. He measured the best he could the same amount that night. He shot it down like water despite his first impulse to spit it out. Leaving everything there he went to the guest room. He knew he had about fifth teen to twenty minutes before the effect hit him like a truck.
He got into bed and waited for it to take effect. He turned off his phone and closed his eyes.
He wasn’t sure how long it been but his head started to spin.
(L-lie back down slowly.) that didn’t happen. His legs lost strength then. he landed on the bed and took Dan with him. Dan tried to move him but he was dead weight and Dan had no leverage. He would have been content to just stay like that. Dan said something about undressing after that but the pounding in his head blocked out the noise. He remembered leaning back on his knees and striping down. Dan wasn’t. So, he decided to help. There was confusion. Dan didn’t say he wanted sex? He said undress, right? (I-I was just trying to get you ready for bed. That’s all)
(so, you don’t want to have sex? Should I stop?) he remembered putting his hands up in a passive gesture. (If you don’t want to do it. We won’t.) Was that the first time he let Dan have a choice like that? was that part of his true personality that be buried long ago? He blinked and Dan was undressed.
Dan laughed when he kissed his ear. He pulled away with a light compliant as he rubbed it. His ears were sensitive from all the damage they took over the years. He seen Dan laugh while crying with his grandma. A release of stress. Here was a happy one. The first happy laugh ever he seen with just him. He lightly attacked Dan with a kiss and Dan kissed back with similar energy. He liked that.
He remembered Dan gave a small request and he listened. He left Dan’s neck and chest a mess. Many little marks. An even a little on his stomach by his belly button.
(Hey you. Why are you pushing my buttons lately?) Had he been doing that or was he paying more attention to Dan? (f*ck. You’re really getting under my skin.) Dan had been since the beginning. Did he just notice then?
(wh-what do you mean?) Confusion was all over his face. He didn’t want to see that. he wanted eyes swimming in sensation and voice crying out in pleasure. He didn’t want a deep conversion right now.
(Dunno) It was hard to think about it at that moment. He kissed him again and thrusted harder. Dan’s one hand covered his face and the other clutched the pillow. He didn’t want the view blocked and he pulled dan’s hands down. his expressions were the best part. that alone could get him off.
Going slow felt just as good as pounding into him. Dan was more reactive which was a plus. Dan had his hands on his back and his legs around his back of his thighs. It felt nice other than his spinning head. He thinks he passed out after that.
Passing out sounded like a good idea and Jaekyung went out.
X)(X
A few days had passed. Dan got the strawberry milk candies and he almost forgot about the guy at the beach. Except he ran into him at the convenance store. Was he staring? Was he imaging it? if he was a local, him being at the beach and store was normal. Dan decided he was being silly. Why would anyone be stalking him? He was a nobody with no family. He was a slightly taller than average, slightly underweight, delicate looking, debt riddled, almost thirty little nobody.
He still took a different way home each day.
He waited by the café again for pick-up for another cleaning job. A hotel called them after a party trashed the place. The van stopped and the door swung open. The van was full by Dan squeezed in.
“Alright! That’s everyone!”
“Let’s hope. Glad this guy is so thin, otherwise he have to be on the roof.”
“No, Dan stays. You be on the roof, Lee.” Everyone laughed even Lee. It was good hearted fun as they drove off.
“Okay.” The driver said. “We have a trashed hotel. Huge job. Fifty plus rooms, lobby, and kitchen. You guys have Your hazmat kits.” Everyone confirmed they did. “Good! Not sure what we will run into.” The hit a bump popping a few people up a little.
X)(X
The kid’s gym was ready all a name. Park could come up with something. Other than that, all he needed was signature in front of a notarizer. Jaekyung told Coach park to come to the old King gym location. Without giving his details, he knew he would jump in the car. Both Park and the notarizer should be here in about fifth teen minutes.
The notarizer was setting up his stamps and seals when Park showed up.
“Okay Jaekyung! What is going on?!” Park looked around rather confused. He no not recognized the equipment wasn’t for grown adults.
“Mister Park Namwook. Glad you could join us. I have everything ready.” Coach Park looked back at Jaekyung.
“What is going on?”
“Mister Joo. I need your signature here and here.” Jaekyung signed the best he could with his left hand. “perfect. Now mister Park. I need yours to complete the transfer.”
“Transfer?” the notarizer looked to Jaekyung.
“You wanted a kids’ day but that wasn’t going to work. Now you have a kid’s gym.” Coach Park slowly put it together.
“You brought King Gym, and set it up for the kids?”
“Now, I am handing it over to you.” The coach picked up the contract and read it over. Jaekyung was giving him the paid for building for nothing. All he needs was to sign the contract. “There a problem?” Park looked close to crying and he signed the contract. The notarizer stamped and sealed by the signatures.
“Congratulations. You are the new owner of this children’s gym. Any idea what to call it?” Completely shocked by what was happening Park remained silent. “It is okay. You think about it. my job here is done. Good day gentlemen.” Jaekyung felt like leaving before Park got mushy but then he would get mushy at their gym instead.
“This is why you be taking so many breaks?” Jaekyung nodded. “Don’t get me wrong. I wanted you to cool it a little but I was getting concerned.”
“Concerned? I am one of the founders of the gym. I not going to jump ship.”
“Not what I was concerned about, you blockhead!” the insult had no sting to it. it was used at an attention grabber. “I was afraid you were depressed about . . . everything. I was afraid you drown yourself, hang yourself, or I don’t know . . . throw yourself off your penthouse balcony if you have one.” Jaekyung was having at hard time understanding why he could care. Park turned around and hugged Jaekyung. “You do know I care about you, right. Ever since I scouted you at young age. You had a deadness look in your eyes no one that age should ever have.” Jaekyung felt hot tears on his shirt. Park could be a bit on a crybaby too. “Stop trying to gave me a heart attack before I’m forty.”
“I . . . don’t understand.” Jaekyung truly was confused. Why was Park acting like this? he expecting tears of joy or something but not what this is.
“You were never the same after he left.” People could tell that? “So many things were changing at once. The tie at the time, Your surgery, restrictions, and Doctor Dan leaving. Everything went down hill after that. your lack of appetite was a big red flag.” Food didn’t taste right and he was never hungry. He was always hungry before. He could eat more in a day then Dan ate in a week if he didn’t keep on top of him.
There he was again. Why was it always coming back to him? He was fine before he ever knew him, right?
“Why is everyone bringing him into everything I do? It has nothing to do with him.” Jaekyung didn’t have the strength or desire to yell that.
“A blind man could see it does, Jae. You been unhappy since I met you all those years ago. Why do you think I sent you to specialist after specialist?”
“Protecting the talent.”
“Sure, a small part of that. yet, at that time you were not well known. I had bigger names at the time but I concentrated on you. Before MMA you were dead inside and going through the motions. It broke my heart seeing you like that.” Why? Why did he care? He was just a moneymaker whose job was the knock the other person out. “I seen a few in similar mindsets. One offed himself, other one disappeared, and the other turned to drugs. I failed to help them. I wasn’t going to fail with you. I treated you with kid gloves in everything but training. I ignored the attitude knowing it come from a place of pain. Maybe I let you get away with too much.”
“coach.” Park smiled lightly.
“It been a while since you call me that.” Park hugged the agreement to his chest. “I know you care but have a hard time showing it. I can see you have been trying. You haven’t yelled once since you came back.” Jaekyung looked at the ground, his head going a million miles an hour.
“I been remembering things I forgotten. Bad things done to me. They all came rushing back. It felt like they were trying to drive me insane.”
“I know about your uncle, Jae.” Jaekyung felt like he was struck in the chest. “The group home you were in warned me to not take you because you could copy past actions.” Jaekyung felt sick. They said that? what was wrong with them? “I didn’t believe you would. There was never a report in the dorms about that. only that you don’t like other people in the showers when you are in there.” Still true to this day, exception was Dan.
Jaekyung found himself doing something he never thought he do. He hugged Park, shocking the coach a bit how hugged back on reflex only.
“thank you for taking a chance on a messed-up kid.” He straightened up, breaking the hug and held the keys for the building out to him. Park gently took them. “I can’t promise I will be kind but I can promise to try. I am talking to an American therapist who specializes in childhood trauma. It is helping some things.” Jaekyung had one too many emotions for the day and left.
***
He knew what he had to do. It was the right thing. He opened his phone and called ‘his guy.’ It was an instant pick-up.
“address?” Jaekyung took a breath.
“Yes.” Clicking was heard.
“Done. It will be sent to your phone. Anything else?”
“No. . . . Thanks.” The guy didn’t hang up right away with him normally does.
“Wow. You know what. This one is for free. Don’t get use to it.” Jaekyung went through his jacket and found the card. His phone buzzed and opened it careful not to look. He forwarded it to Heesung with the Lady lawyer’s number. He briefly explained what this was and why. He also forwarded a copy to his e-mail.
“It is the right thing to do. Still feel like sh*t.”
X)(X
Heesung opened his phone and read it. He smiled broadly and did as requested. He called the number given.
“Bumi Yuni at Lee’s sumi lawyer services. Yuni speaking.”
“You were the one that need to know where Kim Dan is?”
“Yes, sir.” Heesung recited the address. After double checking the woman thanked him before hanging up. He put down his phone with a small smile.
“You’re learning, Jaekyung.” He sighed and looked over to his bathroom door. Yoon-gu stepped out fresh from a shower. Heesung looking at all the little love marks he left. “You sure you don’t want to stay over tonight?” Yoon-Gu walked over and kissed Heesung softly.
“Love you but shouldn’t. I have a match tomorrow at ten in the morning. Two more wins and I can move up. One step closer to my dream. So, I need to sleep.”
“Too bad but I understand. We shall celebrate you victory tomorrow night.” Yoon-gu blushed a little but composed himself.
“Will do.” Yoon-gu on his shoes, “See ya tomorrow.” He was out of the door. Heesung hated to see him go but loved to watch him leave.
