We all use white lies at some point, but have you ever thought about the problems they can cause? Discover the reasons why it is good to always tell the truth.
Everyone on some occasion has resorted and will continue to resort to what we call “white lies” It is something that is accepted in society and we do it to avoid further damage by being honest. But are these types of lies really good for us and others?
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Are white lies good?
In principle, the white lies They do not generate big problems, we all do them and accept them. But, there are some reasons that can cause these types of lies to end up damaging a relationship:
- They are used without good justification: The main difficulty appears when those lies They are discovered and are not justified, or when one simply thinks that it was not necessary to lie. At that moment, a certain distrust appears in the veracity of what the other person says.
- They generate distrust: Any act, especially if it involves lies No matter how small it may be, you can end up doubting it. This generates constant arguments with the couple about topics that are not important in principle, and can even irremediably break down the relationship. Many people think: “If he lies to me about this nonsense, what other more important things is he lying to me about?” One can feel betrayed because one does not understand why he does this. types of lies In reality, a double distrust occurs: the person who lies distrusts because he is not convinced of telling the truth (often to avoid possible conflicts or because he does not see what he is going to do as legal) and the person who doubts the other person distrusts. And in a relationship, both as a couple and as a friendship, one of the most important pillars is trust; If that fails, we are playing with fire.
- They create a dilemma: People who distrust others live in a constant dilemma. They know that it is not good for them to doubt or seek information about the lies, but on the other hand they need confirmation of what is happening and end up doing things like sneakily asking friends, asking their partner directly, looking at the other person’s cell phone or monitoring what is happening on their friends’ social networks. the couple. A certain obsession with discovering lies ends up appearing, which, as on many occasions ends up being confirmed, fuels distrust even more.
- Constant doubts are created: In behavioral psychology it has been studied that the best way to get a person to maintain the same behavior is intermittent reinforcement. I explain a little about what this concept is based on from a behavioral experiment: if you give a mouse that is locked in a cage food every time it presses a button, the mouse will condition pressing the button to getting food. Therefore, every time he is hungry he will press the button (classical conditioning). But if instead of giving it food every time it presses the button, a random interval is established between the times it gets food and the times it doesn’t, the mouse will not only press the button when it is hungry, but it will do so compulsively. to get reinforcement (food) because doubt appears. Well, this is what happens when someone “catches” a lie. Doubt is triggered and the person needs to confirm.
How to avoid white lies?
There are two ways to avoid the white lies. On the one hand, it is important for people who are suspicious to try to eliminate intermittent reinforcement. To achieve this, it is necessary that they stop pressing the button, that is, they avoid looking at social networks, asking friends or looking for evidence that the other person is lying. The second solution is for those who resort to lies, living tied to lies is a sentence. If you feel like you can’t stop doing it, face the truth and accept the consequences. Whoever wants to be by your side, let it be because of how you really are, don’t put on masks to be accepted.
White lies and real lies
The white lies They are usually innocuous, that is, we say them as a method to be polite to others and show social manners. In general, they are usually carried out for beneficial purposes. It is obvious that in some cases being too honest could cause discomfort in others. On the other hand, when we talk about ‘real’ lies, they tend to have a more selfish purpose. That is, they usually have consequences for others and, although we do them to benefit ourselves, also for ourselves.
The main problem of the white lies It begins when these end up being too recurrent in our daily lives. Sometimes, even if we think we are being polite to others, these types of lies can indicate that we do not know how to communicate assertively with those around us, which ends up becoming a problem if done too often. In these cases, it is important to go to a professional psychologist to put an end to this harmful attitude both for ourselves and for others.
